This is stuff from my childhood from when I was in child protective service (CPS). Much of this stuff I don’t even recall.
I am not sure I want this stuff on the site. But we’ll see. A lot of this stuff is self-explanatory, so ! won’t go into much of it.
Cathy Rooster was my very first case worker I can recall having. She was a really nice and sweet woman.
Jeff Page was my second case worker. He was a good man. I believe both of them really cared about me. But well, I just wouldn’t stick around too long in any of those places they sent me to. I missed my mom and wanted to be home with her. I really didn’t understand what was going on with her at the time. But now I know my mom had a lot of personal issue she dealt with. She wasn’t perfect, but she was my mom and I loved her. You will see, I always ran away, as soon as I was able to scrape together a few dollars. I would be gone in the blink of an eye.
Childhood Protective Service files – with comments
Comments on Childhood files
- (p. 15)They said I had an anti-social personality. Well, I don’t know . that, I was just a very shy child. And I was very distrusting of people. I didn’t like making friends who were there one day, and gone the next and in CPS that is the way it is. You become friends with someone and then they get shipped to a new placement. So, I even at a young age just decided why make friends?
- (P. 15)As you can see my fighting started early but I was fighting before this. But most of these fights they speak of was due to older guys picking on us younger kids. And what they didn’t know was that I had already been hanging around older guys out on the streets and used to fighting older guys. So they really weren’t ready for someone like me. They were used to picking on those smaller, weaker and younger boys, but then they would start it on me, and I would punch them in the mouth or face or something … it is what I was taught to do by my older friends on the streets. “Don’t take no shit, strike first”. So that is what I did. They learned to leave me alone and that is all I wanted, to be left alone.
- (P.17)I see from reading this, they tried to keep me in the least restrictive placements. But maybe what I needed was a more stricter setting. I don’t know. But hell, I have been doing ‘time’ since as far back as I could recall. My step dad forcing me to stay in my room with nothing. So, I don’t think putting me in a cell/room with nothing would had done anything to me other than make me take off running the moment they opened the door.
And when they speak of theft, well yes, I stole, but I had to. I was a I2 – I3 year old kid running away, I would look for money, and if that couldn’t be found I would steal. I ain’t proud of this. But it was a way I had to live to survive on the streets while running away.
- ( P.17) Here you can see I was in special education from an early age, you will see more of my school records as you read along …. I was pretty stupid. I am glad that my daughter didn’t get that part of me, she is very smart. I hope her daughters don’t get that part of me either. But I read at a 2nd grade level. But after years of not going to school … I think I lost most of what I did retain. I was the kind of kid that I had to stick with it or I would soon forget it. I am still like that on some things.
- (P.19) This was by far the best placement I was ever placed in. I really liked it there.
- (P. 19)I don’t think I had a ‘low-concept’ about myself, I just wasn’t a trusting kid, I was shy, but not to the point I would not talk. And as for them saying I needed to learn how to cope more appropriately … Again, I was good until one of those older tough guys wanted to do something stupid like push me, or talk down to me or try and take something from me. So what they are calling ‘stressful situations’ were me defending myself, and since I didn’t say anything once those older boys went to snitching on me, they just always assumed I was the one who started it. And if you call throwing the first punch ‘starting’ it … okay, I started it but I don’t count that, I count from the point where one of those older clowns tried to bully me. Again they were not used to dealing with someone like me, I ain’t saying I was a little bad ass, I am just saying I spent time around older guys on the streets and that is the way I adopted. I fought to win. I didn’t win all of them, hell they were older boys, I may had stunned them, but in the end I got handled. But they left me alone after that.
- (p. 19)Here they say I was making improvements. But still I had serious academic problems. Well I don’t know what improvements they are speaking of, I did NO work here either.
- (P. 21)They saw I was in serious need of special education. I hated that I couldn’t read and write. I just couldn’t do the damn school work.
- (P. 21)This is the place they sent me to after I left New Horizons …I was excited, I was going back to Houston and from the moment they told me I was going to Houston, I started planning my escape. And as you could see. I wasn’t there a hot 24 hours and I hit the fence. I had some money and a weapon, so I was set to make it home to my mom. And I did.
- (P. 21) They placed me in the 7th grade. But I go from reading at a second grade level to making A’s and B’s. Mostly A’s at New Horizons to the 7th grade. This is false, I did no school work there. All they did was pad the grades I made. I know for a fact I left there as stupid as I was when I arrived there. So No, I did not actually pass from the 3rd grade, to the 6th to the 7th.
11. (P.23)This is when my mom left my step dad and I fell in love with running the streets hanging with older guys getting high and started drinking. This is also when I quit school in the 3rd grade.
- (P.31)I hate this fucking name, my name ain’t Chuck. it is Charles or C. But they had so many damn Charles’ there they called some Charles, Chas, Charlie (I have a sister named Charlie) and Chuck. So they called 3 of guys Chuck. I lived with all of them there in the same dorm. I told the staff to call me Charles or C but they said I looked like a chuck, Whatever the fuck that ment. One was tall and funny looking, the other half Indian, … so I don’t know what to make of I look like a damn Chuck. Pete Miles was the only one who would call me C. He was an old cowboy, a good man I really enjoyed Pete.
- (P. 31)Here again they say I have shown vast improvement …I don’t see how when I did absolutely zero amount of work.
- (P. 32.2 end of doc)I love my sister, I was always trying to get them to bring her to me. I got them to once and even worked to do so.
I5. (P. 32.2 end of doc) Yes I had a very strong emotional attachment to my mom and sister, who doesn’t? But this clown is DEAD WRONG if he thought there was no need of me wanting to be with my mom. When everyone else said lust the opposite. I would run away to be with my mom, not to hang out on the damn streets. I went home to my mom. So if that isn’t some kind of emotional pull I don’t know what to tell this fool. He needs to retake his family social training class.
16. (P. 32.2 end of doc)… Alright, here we go again. I would only be that way to those that were picking on me and the other smaller guys. Put your hands on me and I do turn into a different person. I am easy going, but I will admit when the fight is in the air. And when I felt it coming on … I did enjoy it. I just got so damn worked up. And it was hard for me to turn it off. I don’t know what I was like that. Maybe it had something to do with all the beating I got from my step dad, I don’t know. But once I learned how to fight, I didn’t back down and would meet those bullies head on. Big ol’ sissys is all they were.
- (P. 33)You know something, this man Scott Allen … I don’t recall him ever personal speaking to me one on one. I ain’t saying he didn’t, but I did not like him and he didn’t like me because I fight. So how this man can make this assessment about me when he never talked to me is beyond me. I didn’t get into very many fights there. I got along with all the boys I had to live with. We lived in a trailer and it was called “The Untouchables” my problems came from the other trailer. “The Pros” and they were the older boys, the “tough guys”. I never got into one fight with any of the guys I lived with, or the little kids who lived right next to us. They were real young, 5-I0 years old. Or the other trailer on the other side of us. “The Kings”. I forgot the little boys trailer name. But all my problems came from the Pros, mostly Jerry Bradshaw. He used to lie and say he was Terry Bradshaw’s cousin. And all these problems would mostly come while we were waiting to eat. There was a little closed off area right before you walk into the main chow hall and he would always start shit. One day he gave me a chop to the back on my neck and I saw a flash of light, he also said he was a ninja. I didn’t know what that was at the time, but yeah, the fight was on, Ninja versus Crazy, Crazy won!
So I don’t see how Scott Allen can say anything about this stuff. Maybe the bullies told him this.
- (P. 33)I don’t know what to say about this reading stuff. I read at a 2nd grade level, it is not something I am proud to admit, but the truth is the truth. They padded the results, made it seem like they were doing such a good job. Maybe it was a way to get more kids, like saying: ‘Hey, if we can teach this borderline retarded how to read.. .what can’t we do?’
Now the money he talks of this is right but wrong, I did not do any work on the campus, I mean we did, but there was no money being earned involved. It was something that all the kids had to do. Now I do recall any very first paid job I ever had. They actually got me a job at the hardware/lumber yard in town, I don’t know how long I worked there, but I was paid for it. All I did was clean up and help file orders.
You know something …I just thought of something … I used to run track for New Horizons … and I bet you my last dollar, they had to place me in the 7th grade so I could run in the races, it was against all the local schools in the area. I am sure to be on the track team.. .I had to have good grades. I was the fastest kid there. I recall the first time they timed me, I ran 11.9 second … I don’t know if that is fast or not, but it was in the I00 yard dash. Everyone was happy. So I bet that is how and why they padded my grades. I was fast … but I wasn’t as fast as those I had to run against. I didn’t win a single race.
I used some of the money T made to get my sister there and It was money I took with me.. .plus some I stole from the local swimming pool one day that I used to run away with when they took me back to Houston.
- (P.33) Well, I don’t know how to respond to this. Maybe he is right. But a hostile militant stance is kinda harsh. Of course I was good around adults, hell, none of the older guys would mess with us. But as soon as they left. It never failed, they would want to mess with someone, they would mostly do most of it during recess, when the girls there were around. it was a time for the girls and guys to hang out together. And well a few of the girls liked me, so that didn’t set well with the older guys.So yeah, again, I react to things a bit different than they were used to, but I only reacted that way because of those damn bullies.
- (P.33) Ah … so they did understand, well the staff did, Scott Allen said it was as if I was following the laws of the streets … well he hit that one right on the head. Because that is just what I was doing.
- (P. 34)Depression? Yes I was depressed, I missed my mom and sister and family. What child wouldn’t be showing signs of depression?
- (P. 34)Maybe I didn’t know what was best for me at that age. I was a child who wanted to be with his mom and sister. I missed my family, I really didn’t know or fully understand what was best for me. And I just couldn’t get pass my lack of trust in people. I didn’t allow myself to get close to anyone. I guess I am still like that in some ways, I try and keep my guard up. It is best that way. Let them in you get hurt and used and treated like shit. I don’t like getting ripped off or stabbed in the back. So I still find trusting people hard.
- (P. 35)Far behind in education … hell I couldn’t read. I couldn’t do math, or spell. I was stupid!
24 (P. 35) Here is where I fell in love with horses. I would rather ride and work with horses than ride motor bikes.
- (P.35)I just do not recall this Bill Lamkin being there … but hell I really don’t recall talking to Scott (P. 35) Allen one on one either. I ain’t saying he wasn’t. But I just don’t see how this Dr. can write this stuff without actually haven spoken to me.
- (P.36)Well, these are my so-called grades. How the heil I want from reading at a 2nd grade level to a 7th grade level in a matter of months, or math and spelling … I must had been one of those rare smart/stupid children. Anyway, all I can say is this is false. They just padded the grades to make themselves look good. I did no work.
27. (P.145) Damn … seems I was being called Chuck for a while, I don’t know where that name came from but I don’t like it. But here they say I read and everything at a 3rd grade level.
- (P.146)I did carry myself different from other children my age, I was hanging around a much older crowd of people. I thought differently to.
- (P.146)Well, seems she saw through my ‘questionable’ stomach ache. Alright, I was faking. I hated taking tests I couldn’t do them. I would just fill in anything.
- (P.146)Difficulty sitting still for even a short period of time. Well, I was a very hyper kid. Reading this stuff … I can see the young C, and yeah, I can’t help but laugh. I thought I was so smart.
- (P.146)It wasn’t that I was indifferent to whether I was successful of hot, but rather I just knew they were asking me to do something I couldn’t do.
- (P.146) Well, she nailed that. Distrustful, not one to make close relationship easily. Why when everyone just goes away in the end? I am guarded towards others. I still ain’t trusting. And when I do let my guard down I get burned. And no, I don’t really care if people approve or disapprove of me, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. If I worried what others thought of me I would be fake. I don’t want to be fake, but this doesn’t mean I don’t care what SOME people think of me, like those I love and care about and who love and care about me, of course I care what they think. But other than that? … No not really.
- (P.147)I don’t know how to talk about most of this stuff. My dad was a cheating piece of shit, I have two sisters the same age. He deserted my mom for the other women. I don’t hate or love my dad, I am indifferent to him.
34.(P.147) Here my mom talks about the ‘older’ friends I hung with. Me and my sister didn’t fight and argue any more than any other brother and sister. I love my sister.
- (P.148)I never did ‘drugs’ but I smoked weed all the time and drank at a very early age.
- (P.148)I never went to 4th grade. I went from the 3rd to the 6th. or 7th … hell I don’t even know.
- (P.148)Well, mom was wrong about the ‘no trouble making friends’ part. I didn’t make friends easily. I had very few friends. And the ones I did have were all older. I think the only friend my age I had was my best friend / brother James. But he was like me, we just didn’t hang with the guys our age. We weren’t into bikes and video games, we were into getting high and girls and money. I weighed 6 pounds and I42 oz …. that ain’t nothing, my baby weighed 9 pounds and 7 oz! She was a big little chic!
- (P.149)I would act like I was asleep but really listening to them talk. And she is wrong about me being cleaner than my sister, Wanda was always clean. I on the other hand wouldn’t bathe for days and wear the same clothing days on end running the streets …. she must had caught me as I just took a bath or something.
- (P.161)I wish I knew what all this stuff ment.
- (P.162)Well here are my outstanding grades. Now look closely at these second year. Granted I ain’t a teacher … I think they socially promoted. These are my last known elementary school grades. So, from there I am promoted to the 7th grade and start making A’s and B’s??? You believe that?
4I. (P.167)I think this is the ‘4th grade’. This is from this placement I was at where we lived in the woods. I liked it there. But of course T ran away. But this guy, this so-called teacher, Jeff Cummings, he would go in the back room and just talk on the damn phone until it was time for him to leave. So I don’t know where this ‘good’ stuff comes from … and he put ‘excellent’ down on my spelling, even from the REAL report cards/grade, you can see “spelling f c f d f f f” … but all of a sudden I am spelling “excellent”. I tell you… this is kinda funny, but in a sad way, I do laugh at some of this stuff. But it is a painful reminder at how stupid I was. But you know something? The courts DA and cops will believe the A’s and B’s. Even when the proof is right here.
- (P. 169, 170, 171, 172)Alright, I take serious issue with this page right here. So someone who was making f c f d f f to spelling like this? I believe they are saying this is something I wrote. Well no, it the heil isn’t. That is not my handwriting. Even as a child I didn’t write like that, I break my words down when I write, and for some strange reason I don’t understand …I half print-half script write my words like if I spell my name, I start out in script, but it ends in print. All or most of my words are like that. That is a complex sentence for me to had written back then.
I don’t know where the hell this page came from but it damn sure isn’t by me. Hell, there are words in it I can’t even spell TODAY!!!! Anyone who has ever gotten a hand written letter from me can tell you at first glance that ain’t my writing, but that little car drawn on this one page does look like something I would do. I did draw that car. Not bad eh? But let me point something out to you. that hot red paper is drawn on and the paper those sentences are written on? They are not the same. Hot rod paper is 1 inch and 5/I6th’s that the left margin. The other is 1 inch and a half at the left margin.I did not write the damn sentences. That is all I know to say. And those numbers on the time tables is not the way I write numbers. But the ones that were done.. .I know those by heart! I still suck at math.
- (P.233)Well, actually I was running away. I found out that Woodside trails were in Austin on the other side of TX. That means it was too far for me to reach if I left. So I ran away with this guy, and started hitch hiking back to Houston.
- (P.235) Well, actually I was running away. I found out that Woodside trails were in Austin on the other side of TX. That means it was too far for me to reach if I left. So I ran away with this guy, and started hitch hiking back to Houston.
- (P. 235) I really liked Cathy Roosth, she was always nice to me. I recall the last day I saw her, it was right after I came back to Houston from New Horizons. I was walking this dog, that was how I was able to get out of the house. I asked to walk the dog, they said yes, so I am walking down the drive way and I got my money, knife and this damn dog, and then this car pulls up. I thought they figured it out I was fixing to take off, and that was when Cathy opened the door and called my name. So I went to her and we hugged and talked for a little bit then she had to leave. So there I am standing there with this damn dog, so I started walking to the fence, I took the dog off it’s leash and lumped the fence and off I went. I went to my mom’s. I wonder how Cathy is doing today? Or for that matter Jeff Page. He was a good man to.
- (P.250)Well, he was wrong about that. My mom never lost my little brother and she raised him to be a good man.
- (P.251)I don’t believe my mom for a moment called and told them people that, they just blaming my mom for their mistake.
- (P.252)Again, my mom wasn’t like that, unless she misunderstood. But I don’t think so, she just wasn’t like that. My mom followed rules.
- (P.252)Man, I was a little arrogant shit head eh? They will never catch me… well I think they did soon after.
- (P.258)I recall this clearly, my mom was working for her aunt. I forgot her name but she looks just like my aunt Louise. Well, the cops came and arrested my mom for serving a drunk. So she went to jail and I drove around with my cousin Christy trying to bail my mom out. The only reason the cops came that night was because some fool was waving a loaded gun around in the bar. When this other guy just came up behind him and in a blink of an eye he took the gun from him. The guy waving the gun was in shock that it happened and just sat down. My mom got the gun and put it in the store room. So every time I tried to go back there … she’d block my way. I had never seen a gun that small before and I wanted it. But here came the cops.
- (P.260)Well I guess they nailed that one too.
- (P.267) No that is wrong, we always got along.
- (P.273)Now this mess here is nothing but lies. I don’t know what the hell this woman is talking about. She married into the Indian side of the family, she married our cousin Sunny. But my mom never tried to do any such thing. This woman Mary is a nut case. I think she wanted to take my little brother for herself. I don’t know, but nobody believed her. Not even her own husband who came to talk to me about it. Sunny was not some guy to take lightly to threatening his wife, but he knew she was lying. I don’t even know how to defend this, but nothing was ever done about it. But I liked that my Aunt Mary Jean said she would take my brother before she would let that woman have him.
Well, that is all I am going to write. You can read everything for yourself. I know my mom suffered, back then I didn’t. But If I would had known, maybe I wouldn’t had ran away so many time to go back to her, I would had giving her that break she needed. My mom wasn’t perfect, she had problems. But I loved her and still love her and I miss her.